Thanks so much for sharing the Eileen Reuter piece! As a PhD student who has recently (a year ago) become a mom, I’ve been struggling and this article was a major dose of encouragement.
I didn’t read the article about doctoral student mothers, but I am glad to hear that women in all walks of life are being encouraged to have families and embrace motherhood. However, I get the impression from many fronts (articles, movies, novels) that we somehow have to spend time encouraging mothers in their careers and education, as if that aspect of motherhood is under attack, or in danger of not being fostered. At the same time, I see very little on the same fronts in terms of encouragement to be primarily a homemaker (not excluding an intellectual life, just one that serves the home and family first), and encouragement for young women who desire this, and do not desire a career or higher education. For example, we like to sometimes watch those light Christian romance movies, along the lines of the old Hallmark movies, and you NEVER find a main character who just wants to get married and raise a family--apparently that is an embarrassing desire that shouldn’t be encouraged, or only for the ignorant, or something. To be fair, this isn’t new. I was in college in the early 80’s and all I wanted was to be a wife and mother, but I spent a lot of time making excuses and choosing a major that didn’t make me look bad--then I chose elementary school teaching in the hope that if I had to work, I could have the same schedule as my kids. But, I was, even then, embarrassed to tell people I didn’t want to work outside the home. I still don’t--I love my home life and being with my young adult kids. And, frankly, for the future of society, that ought to be okay for a large percentage of mothers. Wondering what you think?
It's worth taking time to read the article, Louise. I'm not sure exactly what your question is, but I think that it simply depends on the culture around you as to whether women experience more pressure to stay home or more pressure to pursue a career. When I was discerning how to balance young motherhood with grad school the feedback I received from the university was very dismissive of my role as a mother. When, after homeschooling and staying home for many years, certain Catholics shamed me publicly for working (part time! from home during naptime!). I'm sure that now that my kids are in school and I'm working full-time, they would have an absolute fit. I don't find either extreme healthy or good for women and families. I'm interested in cultivating a culture that values home and family life and sees the vast energy and attention to the domestic realm as significant and worthwhile. And I'm interested in cultivating a culture that makes room for women for offer their gifts and talents to the world if they are so called (or simply help provide for their family financially if that's needed). So, again, I'm not sure what your question was exactly, but yes, in some circles women pursuing education or career is under attack. In others, the contribution of parents to home and family life is belittled. Which battle you face simply depends on what circles you run in, but I'm not very attracted to either alternative. I think we can do better.
My question was just “what do you think” about the way the prevailing culture supports or doesn’t support the full time homemaker. I agree that the personal experience of these opinions depends on what circles you run in, but I also think the pieces of cultural influence with the widest reach are more inclined to support the choice to work outside the home, with the (possibly unintended) consequences of young women who don’t wish to work feeling lost and alone, or at least embarrassed to admit their wishes.
This is something I've been ruminating on as well, coming from someone who never wanted to stay home but for a variety of factors has found that's what serves my family best for this season. I struggle with comparison when it seems a lot of the moms I interact with work in some capacity outside the home (& have the support system needed to do that). SAH parents are vital to the fabric of our communities and I just wish they were lifted up and encouraged more in public ways. (That comment from your old professor, Haley, is endemic in our culture sadly.)
Thank you for linking to the article by Tish Warren. It was so well-written and articulated so much about truth and goodness in so few words. I found the distinction between the “outsides” and “insides” of holy things compelling, as well as “incarnation” vs. “excarnation.” Wow! Just truly encouraging to embrace and never let slip the actual experiencing of life and God in a culture that distracts constantly.
Thanks so much for sharing the Eileen Reuter piece! As a PhD student who has recently (a year ago) become a mom, I’ve been struggling and this article was a major dose of encouragement.
I didn’t read the article about doctoral student mothers, but I am glad to hear that women in all walks of life are being encouraged to have families and embrace motherhood. However, I get the impression from many fronts (articles, movies, novels) that we somehow have to spend time encouraging mothers in their careers and education, as if that aspect of motherhood is under attack, or in danger of not being fostered. At the same time, I see very little on the same fronts in terms of encouragement to be primarily a homemaker (not excluding an intellectual life, just one that serves the home and family first), and encouragement for young women who desire this, and do not desire a career or higher education. For example, we like to sometimes watch those light Christian romance movies, along the lines of the old Hallmark movies, and you NEVER find a main character who just wants to get married and raise a family--apparently that is an embarrassing desire that shouldn’t be encouraged, or only for the ignorant, or something. To be fair, this isn’t new. I was in college in the early 80’s and all I wanted was to be a wife and mother, but I spent a lot of time making excuses and choosing a major that didn’t make me look bad--then I chose elementary school teaching in the hope that if I had to work, I could have the same schedule as my kids. But, I was, even then, embarrassed to tell people I didn’t want to work outside the home. I still don’t--I love my home life and being with my young adult kids. And, frankly, for the future of society, that ought to be okay for a large percentage of mothers. Wondering what you think?
It's worth taking time to read the article, Louise. I'm not sure exactly what your question is, but I think that it simply depends on the culture around you as to whether women experience more pressure to stay home or more pressure to pursue a career. When I was discerning how to balance young motherhood with grad school the feedback I received from the university was very dismissive of my role as a mother. When, after homeschooling and staying home for many years, certain Catholics shamed me publicly for working (part time! from home during naptime!). I'm sure that now that my kids are in school and I'm working full-time, they would have an absolute fit. I don't find either extreme healthy or good for women and families. I'm interested in cultivating a culture that values home and family life and sees the vast energy and attention to the domestic realm as significant and worthwhile. And I'm interested in cultivating a culture that makes room for women for offer their gifts and talents to the world if they are so called (or simply help provide for their family financially if that's needed). So, again, I'm not sure what your question was exactly, but yes, in some circles women pursuing education or career is under attack. In others, the contribution of parents to home and family life is belittled. Which battle you face simply depends on what circles you run in, but I'm not very attracted to either alternative. I think we can do better.
Forgot to say--I appreciate your response and your substack in general. Thanks for taking the time! :)
My question was just “what do you think” about the way the prevailing culture supports or doesn’t support the full time homemaker. I agree that the personal experience of these opinions depends on what circles you run in, but I also think the pieces of cultural influence with the widest reach are more inclined to support the choice to work outside the home, with the (possibly unintended) consequences of young women who don’t wish to work feeling lost and alone, or at least embarrassed to admit their wishes.
A great explanation. It definitely depends on the circles one runs in, that is *for sure*. But like you said, we can do better than the extremes.
This is something I've been ruminating on as well, coming from someone who never wanted to stay home but for a variety of factors has found that's what serves my family best for this season. I struggle with comparison when it seems a lot of the moms I interact with work in some capacity outside the home (& have the support system needed to do that). SAH parents are vital to the fabric of our communities and I just wish they were lifted up and encouraged more in public ways. (That comment from your old professor, Haley, is endemic in our culture sadly.)
I think you both would appreciate this from Ivana Greco in Hearth & Field!
https://thehomefront.substack.com/p/bringing-back-homemaker-as-a-job
Thanks for sharing, Haley!
Thank you for linking to the article by Tish Warren. It was so well-written and articulated so much about truth and goodness in so few words. I found the distinction between the “outsides” and “insides” of holy things compelling, as well as “incarnation” vs. “excarnation.” Wow! Just truly encouraging to embrace and never let slip the actual experiencing of life and God in a culture that distracts constantly.