I love what you pointed out about Elinor’s duty to her loved ones! I never thought of it in that way before. Does her position in the family as eldest, and her mother’s right hand helper, and sometimes caretaker, give Elinor the reason and strength to resist the temptation to let her feelings go. Her personality, no doubt, helps. But her duty to be dependable is motivation. Marianne has no such inducement to dependability. She is not only emotional by nature, but independent by habit--in terms of feeling free to set aside conventions for the sake of her feelings. I have often thought that our modern American focus on independence misses the traditional value of dependability. Elinor is needed by her mother and sisters and that serves her well in motivating her to more responsible behavior. Marianne feels no such pull to being dependable, and therefore feels free to act in what she sees as her own self interest--which leads her astray since she hasn’t the wisdom to discern her true self interest.
Yes! We are really meant, I think, for interdependence. We are all obligated to care for one another, and reigning in your own emotions so there is space for others I am important part of that. Marianne doesn't think Elinor felt deeply because she processed her emotions differently than Marianne, but also because Marianne's emotional outlet was so all-encompassing that there was no space in her awareness for her sister's sadness. I think we generally today miss the mark on acknowledging our obligation to others because we put so much focus on the self, and what makes the individual happy.
I wonder if the contrast between how they handle emotions is due to the fact that when one person is extreme in their emotions, those who naturally feel responsible will struggle to express their own. They judge that there is not “room” for them to be emotional too because if everything fell apart then where would we be. I tend to think that depending on which end of the spectrum you fall on, the virtuous path is in either learning more self control and restraint or trusting that your emotions are also valid. And it requires a lot of patience for naturally passionate people to make room for the more restrained to have their feelings aired out. But it also requires a trust and vulnerability for the “strong and sensible” to admit they are human. Marianne does annoy me a little, but that probably has to do with my own baggage of being the Elinor of the family 😅
I agree with what you said about Elinor not having “room” to show how she feels as strongly as Marianne. The book even mentions that she is trying not to throw Marianne back into her violent grief when Elinor is explaining things.
Same here, Annelise! That was my take also - that Elinor had to be the strong and sensible one because her mother and Marianne were more alike temperamentally. People like that (us) don’t often have the room to allow their own emotions 😕
Any time I start to feel a bit like Marianne, I come across a line that reminds me I'm much more of an Elinor. I get Marianne's perspective; I often have a very difficult time hiding my emotions, but I do believe that in order to be functional within a family or community, one has to be able to regulate those responses. I'm amazed at the way Elinor bears Lucy's secrets and manages not to lash out. In this world, that reserve has served her well, for someone needed to manage the move from Norland and later deal with Marianne's depression. What would have happened if both sisters just threw themselves into the depths of despair?
As for Mrs. Jennings, I choose to believe she means well and is certainly generous with the Dashwoods. She makes me cringe early on but she definitely grows on me. She's got a good sense of humor and wants to make those in her circle happy. I like that attitude.
I think she means well, too! Understandably annoying, but I think it's only because she has trouble imagining other people operating differently than she does. She is well-intentioned!
Elinor handles her emotions wrong too. Marianne and their mother would love to comfort her and could be a great help in protecting her from painful situations. She's may be noble in wanting to protect them, but I think there is a secret motivation - if she shoves all her pain deep down and ignores it, she'll spare herself from feeling it. But of course if she never processes the hurt she can never heal from it.
Jane and Lizzie, in contrast, get confiding in each other correct. Both share about their heartbreaks with each other and find solace in sisterly empathy. But then they strive to move on with life. Yet each is attentive to what the other feels without words being exchanged. When Lizzie notices how Jane is so much more pained about loosing Bingley then she admits, she arranges for Jane to get away for a visit to their aunt.
I like Mrs. Jennings. Her teasing would be annoying, but I genuinely think she doesn’t realize that not everyone would enjoy that type of thing; it is said in a spirit of fun, not maliciously. And she is so motherly toward Marianne and Elinor, especially during Marianne’s illness. I think she has a good heart.
I am loving Mrs. Jennings more than I am annoyed by her on this reread. The first time I read the book, I just found her annoying, but this time through I have found her to be a good hearted person who genuinely cares about Elinor and Marianne and wants the best for them. Her sympathy and defense of Edward for standing by his engagement are also admirable. I think her flaw is being a little nosy, but at the end of the day, she uses the knowledge obtained by nosiness to help people. I think the fact that Colonel Brandon is friends with her and her family speaks a lot toward their true character!
I love what you pointed out about Elinor’s duty to her loved ones! I never thought of it in that way before. Does her position in the family as eldest, and her mother’s right hand helper, and sometimes caretaker, give Elinor the reason and strength to resist the temptation to let her feelings go. Her personality, no doubt, helps. But her duty to be dependable is motivation. Marianne has no such inducement to dependability. She is not only emotional by nature, but independent by habit--in terms of feeling free to set aside conventions for the sake of her feelings. I have often thought that our modern American focus on independence misses the traditional value of dependability. Elinor is needed by her mother and sisters and that serves her well in motivating her to more responsible behavior. Marianne feels no such pull to being dependable, and therefore feels free to act in what she sees as her own self interest--which leads her astray since she hasn’t the wisdom to discern her true self interest.
Yes! We are really meant, I think, for interdependence. We are all obligated to care for one another, and reigning in your own emotions so there is space for others I am important part of that. Marianne doesn't think Elinor felt deeply because she processed her emotions differently than Marianne, but also because Marianne's emotional outlet was so all-encompassing that there was no space in her awareness for her sister's sadness. I think we generally today miss the mark on acknowledging our obligation to others because we put so much focus on the self, and what makes the individual happy.
I wonder if the contrast between how they handle emotions is due to the fact that when one person is extreme in their emotions, those who naturally feel responsible will struggle to express their own. They judge that there is not “room” for them to be emotional too because if everything fell apart then where would we be. I tend to think that depending on which end of the spectrum you fall on, the virtuous path is in either learning more self control and restraint or trusting that your emotions are also valid. And it requires a lot of patience for naturally passionate people to make room for the more restrained to have their feelings aired out. But it also requires a trust and vulnerability for the “strong and sensible” to admit they are human. Marianne does annoy me a little, but that probably has to do with my own baggage of being the Elinor of the family 😅
I agree with what you said about Elinor not having “room” to show how she feels as strongly as Marianne. The book even mentions that she is trying not to throw Marianne back into her violent grief when Elinor is explaining things.
Same here, Annelise! That was my take also - that Elinor had to be the strong and sensible one because her mother and Marianne were more alike temperamentally. People like that (us) don’t often have the room to allow their own emotions 😕
Any time I start to feel a bit like Marianne, I come across a line that reminds me I'm much more of an Elinor. I get Marianne's perspective; I often have a very difficult time hiding my emotions, but I do believe that in order to be functional within a family or community, one has to be able to regulate those responses. I'm amazed at the way Elinor bears Lucy's secrets and manages not to lash out. In this world, that reserve has served her well, for someone needed to manage the move from Norland and later deal with Marianne's depression. What would have happened if both sisters just threw themselves into the depths of despair?
As for Mrs. Jennings, I choose to believe she means well and is certainly generous with the Dashwoods. She makes me cringe early on but she definitely grows on me. She's got a good sense of humor and wants to make those in her circle happy. I like that attitude.
I think she means well, too! Understandably annoying, but I think it's only because she has trouble imagining other people operating differently than she does. She is well-intentioned!
Elinor handles her emotions wrong too. Marianne and their mother would love to comfort her and could be a great help in protecting her from painful situations. She's may be noble in wanting to protect them, but I think there is a secret motivation - if she shoves all her pain deep down and ignores it, she'll spare herself from feeling it. But of course if she never processes the hurt she can never heal from it.
Jane and Lizzie, in contrast, get confiding in each other correct. Both share about their heartbreaks with each other and find solace in sisterly empathy. But then they strive to move on with life. Yet each is attentive to what the other feels without words being exchanged. When Lizzie notices how Jane is so much more pained about loosing Bingley then she admits, she arranges for Jane to get away for a visit to their aunt.
I like Mrs. Jennings. Her teasing would be annoying, but I genuinely think she doesn’t realize that not everyone would enjoy that type of thing; it is said in a spirit of fun, not maliciously. And she is so motherly toward Marianne and Elinor, especially during Marianne’s illness. I think she has a good heart.
Yes!
I am loving Mrs. Jennings more than I am annoyed by her on this reread. The first time I read the book, I just found her annoying, but this time through I have found her to be a good hearted person who genuinely cares about Elinor and Marianne and wants the best for them. Her sympathy and defense of Edward for standing by his engagement are also admirable. I think her flaw is being a little nosy, but at the end of the day, she uses the knowledge obtained by nosiness to help people. I think the fact that Colonel Brandon is friends with her and her family speaks a lot toward their true character!
I never thought about how Colonel Brandon's friendship speaks well of her, but how true!