Hi, I’m Haley! Book midwife (editor) and author. Hello to new subscribers and welcome all to another edition of This Week’s Miscellany. TWM is full of my favorite things from around the web, typically trending literary.
And psst! This little Substack has over 5,000 subscribers and almost 50 paid subscribers who keep the lights on for everyone. How fun would it be to reach that milestone of 50 subscribers this week? If you’ve been thinking about it, it would make my day.
On Tuesday morning I looked at that forecast graphic of a Cat 3 or 4 hurricane’s eye going right through my hometown and said, “Nope.”
I’ve experienced a lot of hurricanes as a native Floridian. Tallahassee is inland enough that we don’t have flooding problems from storm surge so you just hunker down, the power goes out, and you get lots of wind and rain. My childhood hurricane memories are memories of delight and wonder.
But this looked…different. Getting a direct hit from a Cat 4 was not something I wanted to be in town for. Winds of 130mph? No, thank you. So we evacuated north to the GA mountains.
We were able to AirBnB a cabin with my SIL and niece and the kids found themselves on an unexpected vacation while we frantically followed the news of the storm. At 2am, just a few hours before landfall, things were not looking good for Tallahassee and I was very nervous about friends, family, and our home. By 6am Idalia had shifted slightly east away from our town and weakened a bit (back down to a Cat 3 from a Cat 4) before hitting land. So Tallahassee was spared the worst of it, scraping by with lots of downed trees and power lines.
So to sum up: we are fine, our home is fine. School was back in session Friday. Our neighborhood had lots of trees down, nothing terrible. But the damage in the counties to the east of us was devastating. Please pray for those communities!
Time to recover from hurricane anxiety with a silly weekend.
Mailbag
I’ve been including some questions from readers in TWM lately. Here’s a good one:
Currently in certification for doula work and grappling with the loud voices that say that we shouldn’t really need much community outside our husbands and babies. I, of course, know that those voices are wrong, but how do we combat that? How can we make care like the care I hope to provide…the norm? And financially accessible?
We are definitely not meant to tackle everything alone—whether in the newborn stage or even the big kid years. I had to call in for reinforcements the other day because one kid needed a sports physical clearance from the pediatrician (for the BOWLING TEAM, I mean—how strenuous is it going to be?) right at pickup time. So a friend picked up two of the other kids at school. Another kid was at choir and because the doctor’s appointment was taking forever, I was about to miss pickup! So a friend who lives near the school picked her up for me at the last minute. Daniel was distilling that day so he couldn’t leave the stills. We all need help sometimes but we’re pressured not to acknowledge it!
But I don’t have any kind of easy answer to solve this problem. Being more intentional about building communities in which we are more comfortable asking for help and offering help? You could make a good argument for living near extended family (we’re certainly loving being close to grandparents and family again and getting regular date nights). But our society has become so mobile—it’s just the way employment works that I don’t know if we can go back. Perhaps the growth of remote work could help make it more possible?
What do you think? How could we cultivate community that doesn’t leave parents overwhelmed and unable to ask for help?
Links
In that vein, I found the questions posed by
in this recent post on motherhood:The Line Between Self-Gift and Self-Erasure
We have to hold ourselves lightly without holding ourselves as valueless.
Reading the Ruddick chapter with friends made me wonder a little what an Immanuel Kant for New Moms book would look like; one that emphasize that the child and the mother are both ends in themselves.
The reason to sacrifice for the child is his or her infinite worth, yoked to their own frailness that leaves them vulnerable. But the mother is just like the child, just as infinitely precious, and she can’t see the child clearly if she sees the child’s worth as higher than or disconnected from her own.
And I loved this beautiful poem about a figure I am fascinated by (I’ve been following Renee Emerson’s poetry for a few years):
A poem about Julian of Norwich by Renee Emerson for Fare Forward
Isn’t this what you prayed for? To burn
with visions, to suffer like God.
And thanks to reader Caroline for sharing this interesting piece on homeschooling, reading books, and living in a way that is conducive to happiness:
A Constitution for Teenage Happiness by Ruby LaRocca
My suggestions for teenage happiness are, I know, unlikely to appeal to the intended demographic. And yet I hope my peers will hear me: if you choose to take on three out of five of these precepts, I guarantee your heart will stop sinking.
And I interviewed NYC-based playwright Laura Pittenger:
When we are isolated at home and on our phones, the community bonds grow weaker and weaker. When we leave our homes and turn off our phones, and share a couple of hours together in the dark, listening to what basically amounts to campfire stories, we’ve got a common ground from which to build.
That’s what stories can do in a dark world.
Happy Anniversary, Little Book
I will always know how old my first book is because it was released a month after my youngest child’s birth on the day before my birthday. I love this little book: the questions it asks, the story it tells, the vision it weaves.
And last week I opened up orders for signed copies of any of my five books. So if you’ve always wanted a copy of The Grace of Enough, or you’ve read it and want to gift it to a friend, now’s your chance. Ordering books directly from authors is a wonderful way to support them because we make a greater percentage of the sale. I’ll be shipping these out mid-September (or sooner). I only offer this once or twice a year (because the post office is a purgatorial experience) so if you want signed copies to save as Christmas presents (the mouse nuns series for the kids in your life?), then fill out this Google form (quick and easy).
Reading
-Works of Mercy by Sally Thomas
The Year of Jane
The fourth reflection for Sense & Sensibility drops tomorrow! Keep an eye out for the weekly reflection and discussion question email.
Coming Soon!
-Excerpts from my recent talk on G.K. Chesterton’s detective fiction
-Mini book reviews (for paid subscribers)
2024 Pilgrimage
Our pilgrimage to Belgium and Germany in 2024 is already half full! We’re keeping it small (we just love the experience of a smaller group of pilgrims). Considering how many sign ups we already have, I would advise interested parties to register immediately:
REGISTRATION NOW LIVE: Heavenly Hops Pilgrimage with Fr. Harrison Ayre to Belgium and Germany.
Feel free to shoot me an email if you have any questions at all about the trip. Let’s go to Belgium!
And that’s all folks! Wishing you all a wonderful weekend. And a huge thank you to Mandy for upgrading to a paid subscription. This is a reader-supported newsletter so if you enjoy getting these emails, please consider supporting this Substack by upgrading to a paid subscription with the button below.
And if you’re not in a position to pledge a monthly subscription but you enjoyed this post, you can always just throw some change in the tip jar.
Thanks for reading!
Haley
(Editor of Word on Fire Spark, Author, Former Podcaster)
Haley’s Children’s Mystery Series about Mouse Nuns
"What do you think? How could we cultivate community that doesn’t leave parents overwhelmed and unable to ask for help?"
I think this is the question for all of us. We have children 8 and 10. My parents have both passed and my sister is 7 states away. My father in law has passed, and my mother in law and three brothers in law are 3 states away. We are on our own.
But seriously. I have always been on my own. I moved a 20 hour drive away for college to someplace I knew no one. For my graduate work, I moved a 7 hour drive away. Then I moved back home, my dad died, and my mom moved to be with my sister 7 states away. A few high school friends were still around, but most not.
If you're going to live away from your built-in support network, you need to develop a support network. In my experience, church is (surprisingly) not the place to do that. It's strange. Maybe all the church people already have a support network at church or elsewhere and don't have the bandwidth to add anyone? I am not sure. But I haven't had much luck trying to cultivate friendships at church. Non-church people want to be my friend and hang out with me, however.
So I join groups -- Moms' Club, Zonta, local book club, etc. I pursue other moms who say yes to getting together, even if we don't seem to have much in common. I have found that I have to initiate every interaction for about two years before they get in the swing of it and start reciprocating. It's exhausting. But if I don't keep doing it, I won't have a support network. Sometimes, people reject me or ghost me, and every so often, they do it harshly. But you have to go with numbers. If you have like 6 people you are close to, and one moves away or leaves, you still have 5. So it doesn't feel as problematic and you have time to acquire another person for that group.
PS It's crazy that you have fewer than 50 paid subscribers! I wonder why that is? I wonder if it's small business owners who are most of your subscribers? I know nothing about gaining a following, so I am no help.
Ahh! I’m so excited to get the signed copies of the next two mouse nuns books! And also very happy I’m getting an early start on Christmas shopping!!! 😂