This Week's Miscellany (12/01/23)
Motherhood and Career, A.S. Byatt, Spooky Advent, Festivity, and Belgium
Hi, I’m Haley! Book midwife (editor) and author. Hello to new subscribers and welcome all to another edition of This Week’s Miscellany. TWM is full of my favorite things from around the web, typically trending literary.
This email is free for you to read, but took time and energy to create. Consider upgrading to a paid subscription to support this work and gain access to exclusive content:
When I was a new, young mom I was very, very worried about my kids inconveniencing anyone. Were they too loud? Too wiggly? Were they bothering anyone? Would I be unmasked in public as an Imperfect Mother who had not trained them well enough to BEHAVE?
Waste of time and energy.
Of course all good parents want to raise children who are conscientious, thoughtful, and kind members of society. But I was very focused on the behavior of my toddlers and young children rather than modeling good habits and knowing that slowly and surely they would bear fruit.
Take Mass for instance. I was so strict with my oldest child about having a quiet voice and body during Mass. Is it bad to teach children these skills? No, of course not. But my priorities have shifted over the years. When I take my youngest child to Mass now, I know that she is watching the rest of her family sit quietly. She’ll learn what to do. But whether she sits “nicely” the entire time is not my priority. I want her to see Mass as something to look forward to. A special time every week where something significant and beautiful is happening. I want her to associate being snuggled and cherished and welcome with sitting in the pew. I want her to love the Mass.
With this as my goal (rather than winning the Perfect Catholic Family award), I’m not distracted by whether her whispered questions to me about what’s happening during the Mass or dropping her baby doll (*thump*) have ruined the day of the parishioner behind me. God bless them for their patience. But achieving perfect Mass behavior is not my goal. Teaching my child to love the Mass is.
Just because we live in a culture that often views children with unreasonable expectations that they will never be inconvenient or distracting doesn’t mean I have to play by those rules. And you don’t have to either.
(This reflection brought to you by yet another round of the kids vs. dogs discourse on the old internet.)
Coming Soon!
And pencil in THIS Sunday evening for a short information Zoom about the summer 2024 pilgrimage to Belgium and Germany!
Fr. Harrison is going to share about his vision for this trip that he’s been dreaming up for several years. Beautiful abbeys, amazing breweries, daily Mass and a small group of pilgrims.—we’ll close the trip at 30 pilgrims. Last year’s pilgrimage to Scotland with Fr. Harrison was an experience I’ll treasure forever (and half of our pilgrims from that trip are already signed up for Belgium, so I’m not the only one who found it life-changing!)
I’ll send a link out ASAP and I really hope you join us to learn more about this trip, we’d love to have you.
And in the meantime you can check out the registration page: Heavenly Hops Pilgrimage with Fr. Harrison Ayre to Belgium and Germany.
Links
I had the honor of joining some amazing women on a panel to talk about motherhood, career, and discernment for Public Discourse. The recording was transcribed here:
Flourishing in Work and Family Life: Considerations for Young Women
There’s no shortage of material geared toward the ambitious professional woman today. We have ample resources on how to determine what type of work we want to do, how to find it, and then how to succeed once we’ve gotten there. But for the young professional woman who knows that she might one day like to have children, and who wants to know how to craft a sustainable career that’s friendly to family life and its many joys and attendant demands, there’s woefully little guidance.
And I forgot to share this great write up at the New York Times about the author of a book I adored (Possession, a rec from
)A.S. Byatt, Scholar Who Found Literary Fame with Fiction, Dies at 87 by Rebecca Chace
“I am not an academic who happens to have written a novel,” she bristled in an interview with The New York Times Magazine in 1991. “I am a novelist who happens to be quite good academically.”
This book review caught my eye and I added the book to my wishlist.
Book Review: All Things Move by
(Gina Dalfonzo)Marshall and her family have lived for more than 20 years in Rome, a city that is arguably one gigantic artwork in itself. Though she loves it, Marshall can also sometimes feel overwhelmed by it all. Which is part of the reason she waited 18 years to go and see the famous ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
If Clare Coffey Writes It, I’ll Link to It: The Haley Stewart Story. Yes, here’s another Clare Coffey piece. I wonder if she’s creeped out by my fangirling.
Waiting in the Gloom by Clare Coffey for Plough
Leaving aside the tenure of grousing about the way things should be done as a delightful folk tradition in its own right, let me present my own reason for coming down on the side of the badger school in which I was raised. It has less to do with keeping the Christmas lights wrapped up as it does with leaving the jack-o’-lantern lit. It is that Advent is the final phase of spooky season.
And I wrote a new installment in my little series about being a writer, publishing, and surviving financially:
Good Reasons To Write a Book (because let’s be honest, book sales probably aren’t going to support you) by Yours Truly
Write books because you love writing, not because you’ll make oodles of money on book sales (you probably won’t!). But there are other financial/career benefits to publishing a book beyond royalties.
Listening
You can hear me on the Strong Women podcast talking about Advent, Caryll Houselander, and Josef Pieper with Sarah Stonestreet!
Embracing True Festivity This Christmas with Haley Stewart
Reading
A Life of One’s Own: Nine Women Writers Begin Again by Joanna Biggs
Just finished this one and I have MANY thoughts.
And THIS JUST IN Jane Austen’s Genius Guide to Life (ebook version) is only $2.99 on Amazon today! If you’ve been thinking about grabbing a copy, now is the time.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend. And a huge thank you to Lauren, Catherine, Liz, Liv, Serena, Eugenie, R, RiggsFam, and Katelyn for upgrading to a paid subscription. This is a reader-supported newsletter so if you enjoy getting these emails, please consider supporting this Substack by upgrading to a paid subscription with the button below.
Thanks for reading!
Haley
(Editor of Word on Fire Spark, Author, Former Podcaster)
Haley’s Children’s Mystery Series about Mouse Nuns
Clare Coffey's work IS always great. She writes about the most wide-ranging topics and somehow it's always amazing -- MLM internet culture! Libraries! The fancy stuff we use at holidays! Mortuary Chic kitchens!
Hi Haley! The link to Jane Austen’s guide to life ebook isn’t working. I actually just finished my second Jane Austen book because of your reading series this year and I’m excited to read more.