Discovering You're Eustace Clarence Scrubb

(Confessions of a Lent Failure)

Hi, I’m Haley! Book midwife (editor) and author. This email is free for you to read, but took time and energy to create. Consider upgrading to a paid subscription to support this work and gain access to exclusive content:

I’m reading The Chronicles of Narnia aloud to my five-year-old daughter. Next up is The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I am already eagerly anticipating reading about Eustace Clarence Scrubb (who almost deserved it) and his encounter with Aslan. If you haven’t read the story, Eustace is turned into a dragon. He wants to be human again, but he cannot scratch off the scales himself. He tries, but it is useless. This task can only be done by Aslan the lion. Only his sharp claws can tear the dragon away from the boy.

I am a recovering overachiever. I had an A in the class but did the extra credit anyway. This can be helpful in succeeding in certain areas, but not in the spiritual life. For the spiritual life, the overachieving is deadly.

When we first converted and started observing Lent, I wanted to give up everything: sugar, caffeine, grains, dairy, social media. And add things in, too: prayer, adoration, daily Mass. At the time, I had young children, babies and toddlers. I was sleep deprived beyond belief. I had not one minute to myself. But I would barrel into Lent as if I lived in a monastery. By sheer willpower, I would scratch off the scales.

But it didn’t work, of course. Not only did the spiritual growth not occur, I failed each time to carry out my lenten disciples. After getting no sleep for several nights in a row, I would make cinnamon sugar toast with a large cup of coffee, fail to pray, and sign into Instagram. I had to much to carry as it was. Caring for small children was already too hard. No one was asking me to carry more except myself.

One Lent, everything changed. I did not take up one personal Lenten discipline. I received a very clear message not to. “What if you just try to love your family well?” was the guidance I heard in prayer.

It was the most spiritually fruitful Lent of my life, a practice in simply receiving grace. And in that receptivity, God performed some spiritual surgery and also brought healing to an important relationship. Only Aslan can scratch off the scales. I could not do it myself.

I think mothers in particular tend to ask too much of ourselves. We add to the already heavy load out of insecurity or pride, forgetting that what is required of us in our daily lives is what will shape us. No longer in the season of sleep deprivation and newborns, I am pouring myself out driving teens around, listening when they need to talk, coordinating schedules. The sacrifices of our vocation is how Aslan will remove the scales and reveal the human flesh beneath.

For the past several years, my lenten practice has been embarrassingly simple and small: no cream in my coffee. In my defense, it only tastes good to me with milk. I don’t like black coffee, but the sacrifice is nothing to write home about. And yet, in this season, it is enough. Because Aslan will remove the scales himself if we only ask him to.

Wishing each and every one of you a fruitful and blessed Lent.

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Valentine’s Discount on our Pilgrimage to Belgium and Germany!

I know you’ve heard me talking about the pilgrimage my husband and I are leading with Fr. Harrison Ayre this summer. It is nearing capacity (we are closing the trip at 30 people to keep it small and intimate). But we have a handful of spots left AND the tour company we’re using to organize the trip (I’ve been on three other trips with them and they are fantastic), is offering a discount starting today and lasting one week.

Here are the details:

Register for the pilgrimage between February 14th and 21st with your spouse (or a friend that you’re sharing a room with!) and you and your travel companion will save a (combined) $300.

You can check out the registration page: Heavenly Hops Pilgrimage with Fr. Harrison Ayre to Belgium and Germany.

The Valentine’s discount ends February 21st!

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Thanks for reading!

Haley

(Editor of Word on Fire Votive, Author, Podcaster)

Haley’s books

Haley’s Children’s Mystery Series about Mouse Nuns

Haley’s Book on Jane Austen’s Novels

Haley’s Book about Radical Simplicity